J.K. Rowling finally confesses Now that Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling has revealed that the title of the sixth installment of her popular series is Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, it's only natural that the too-nosy-for-their-own-good fans will want to know just who this prince is! Do we know him? Perhaps he's a new character? Is he good or evil? Lucky for us that Ms. Rowling has taken the liberty of answering our questions. Mark Evans, is, in fact, Harry Potter's Great-Aunt (as well as the Heir of Gryffindor, owner of the Mystic Kettle of Nackledirk, and the Half Blood Prince). He also lives up the Pillar of Storgé. But Mark Evans was hardly ever mentioned... how could he be all those things mentioned above? It is quite possible, and The Quibbler will prove it. At first glance, Evans looks like a "here he is, just a casual passer-by, nothing to worry about, bet you barely noticed him"* character, but so did the late Sirius Black, as well as Mundungus Fletcher** and Mrs. Figg. However, later in Rowling's series we discover that Lily Potter's (as well as Petunia Dursley's) maiden name is Evans, an oddly common surname for an incredibly uncommon character, seeing as Mark Evans is a prince and a great-aunt all at once. This, no doubt, proves that Mark Evans is related to young Mr. Potter... but how exactly? Seeing as Evans is Lily Potter's maiden name, Mark Evans can only be her brother, father, grandfather, or... UNCLE! Yes. Mark Evans is Harry Potter's uncle... sort of. Due to an unfortunate encounter with an expired batch of Polyjuice Potion, Mark Evans had to be referred to as an aunt for a large part of his life. So, if Mark Evans is Lily and Petunia Evans' aunt, he is then Harry Potter's Great-Aunt. Next, how is Mr. Evans the Heir of Gryffindor and the Half Blood Prince? It's quite simple really-- haven't you ever heard of the term 'heir to the throne'? Of course you have! Seeing as Mark Evans is the Heir of Gryffindor, that also entitles him to royalty, coincidentally making him a prince-- a Half Blood Prince, that is! And lastly, the Mystic Kettle of Nackledirk. What is this wondrous kettle? After much research, it has been discovered that the Mystic Kettle of Nackledirk is a one-of-a-kind kettle, owned only by Mr. Evans, as mentioned above (though how he came to own it is unknown). When coffee, tea, or any other beverage boiled inside this kettle is drank, the drinker will be blessed with the cure to writer's block, ability to fly without a broom, x-ray vision, and many other much sought after remedies and abilities. However, the ability that is granted from drinking from the kettle cannot be chosen, so many would be tempted to spend all their days drinking from the Mystic Kettle of Nackledirk. Sadly, though witches and wizards may brag or twist the truth, no living person has actually tried boiling any beverage inside the Mystic Kettle of Nackledirk because the last wizard who did (Martin Von Storgius, 1282-1355) vanished from the face of the planet for 89 days and then reappeared at St. Mungo's, mad as a wooden horse. It is rumored that Storgius could bend spoons with his mind after the drink from the kettle, but historians believe that Storgius probably took the trip around the galaxy and ended up at St. Mungo's by drinking expired milk from the kettle, and due to Mr. Evans' unfortunate experience with expired serums and tonics, he, nor anyone else, has tried the Mystic Kettle of Nackledirk to this day. Therefore, Mark Evans is Harry Potter's Great-Aunt. And he lives up the Pillar of Storgé. * J.K. Rowling ** If anyone has seen Mr. Fletcher with a batch of curious cauldrons, please send an owl to the following address, stating the location at which you last saw him. Thank you! Cornelius Fudge Minister of Magic The Loo near the Atrium The Ministry of Magic Editor's Note: Please note that this was written after a TQ writer had consumed eight boxes of Acid Caps and three crates of Butterbeer. Use your own brain (or borrow one from the Department of Mysteries) to separate fact from fiction. |