The TQ Archives Please Do Not Litter!

Despite the loss of seeker Harry Potter and beaters Fred and George Weasley earlier in the season, Gryffindor’s Quidditch team managed a handy win of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry's annual Quidditch Cup on the last weekend of May. Since communication with the school was inaccessible during that time due to new security measures, we could not report of the match until now.

Gryffindor defeated the competing House Ravenclaw 210 to 10 after losing dismally to Hufflepuff house earlier in the year. Due to balancing rules built into the system, however, Gryffindor was able to pull out a win thanks to its early fall defeat of Slytherin House.

The defeat of Slytherin sparked a fight between the teams that lead to the banishment of a few powerful Gryffindor players, including the famous "Boy Who Lived" Harry Potter. The loss of Potter and beaters Fred and George Weasley dowsed Gryffindor hopes for a repeat of the year-before-last's stunning victory. But the replacement players, despite some ups and down earlier in the season, gained their footing during the final match, although some seem not entirely convinced of their positions--especially as Potter will be able to return for next season.

’I think I’ll try out for Chaser (next year),’ says seeker Virginia Weasley, who caught the snitch right under the nose of opposing seeker Cho Chang of Ravenclaw. ‘Angelina (Johnson) and Alicia (Spinnet) are both leaving and I prefer goal-scoring to seeking anyway.’

The star player of the match was not Virginia but rather her brother, Gryffindor prefect and Keeper Ronald Weasley. Weasley displayed a miraculous growth as a Quidditch player during the final. An early goal by chaser Davies was the only goal that Weasley let in, leaving the crowd on their feet for the rest of the match and chanting defiantly to any opponents "Weasley is our King."

Fellow Gryffindor and prefect Hermione Granger raved "We always knew he had it in him. He just had to find the confidence."

Weasley is the fifth Weasley to play for Gryffindor, including young Virginia and twins Fred and George. The proliferation of the red-haired family, whose father, Arthur, works for the Ministry of Magic, has led to some humorous insight from fellow wizards.

"If only they'd convince Percy to play, they could have a whole Quidditch team of Weasleys," said Mundungus Fletcher, who was spotted speaking with Ludo Bagman at the Department of Magical Games and Sports, "Imagine that! They wouldn't even need to pick team colors!"

Percy Weasley, assistant to the Minister of Magic, had no comment about the success of his brother's final match. But Molly Weasley, mother of Ronald, who goes by Ron to his friends and family, spoke tearfully from their fireplace at Ottery St. Catchpole: "Ron has been the surprise and joy of my life. Prefect, and now Quidditch Hero too! We always knew he was talented, but I can't imagine being happier or more proud than I am right now."

Seems Weasley is king after all.

The Stingers' Buzz

Meaghan McCormack; Pride of Portree keeper and mother of The Weird Sisters’ lead guitarist Kirley McCormack, was accused of ‘flacking’ last night in the Wimbourne Wasps vs. Pride of Portree game.

As Wimbourne chaser Christopher Day took the penalty, Portree fans imitated the stingers’ (Wimbourne fans) signature distraction: buzzing. In 1312, a beater had struck a wasps’ nest toward an unlucky Arrows seeker. From then on, the Wimbourne Wasps have been using a wasp for their insignia.

With the spectacular catch of the snitch by Wimbourne seeker Lydia McNeil, Wimbourne won 230 to 110. The Wasps move on to play their age-old rivals: the Appleby Arrows.