From the Quill of Rita Skeeter Our favorite intrepid reporter, Rita Skeeter, who so successfully scripted the truth about the Boy Who Lived in our last issue, has been given a new job. She will be penning our latest entertainment column (as she feels it is a less risque job than front page journalism, for some reason, or so says her pseudo agent and go-between, Miss Hermione Granger). Here are her most recent observations. Hmmm...was that a Lion Hat being sported by our editor-in-chief’s...erm...interesting daughter at Saturday’s Gryffindor/Slytherin match? Rumor has it she’s been heard humming around school a certain theme song involving a certain Keeper of a certain team... In fact, the young Keeper has charmed more than one young lady as of late. “Pink-ears” is the title of du jour for another young girl associated with the Quibbler, who also fancies humming (or at least quoting) “Weasley is our King.” Seems that young actors are growing to be more a part of their characters. In particular, one who looks more the part than he has in the past...wilder hair, perhaps? Why is it that certain wizards feel the need to walk past every grate blowing up without the proper ‘attire’ underneath? I have enough nightmares already! Perfection, thy name is...who seems to get everything right these days? And more importantly, who’s noticing if she’s perfect or not? Is it the boy she wants, or the boy who she wouldn’t think of...or perhaps thinks of too much... Rumor has it that a joyful someone around the Quibbler is fond of soapy leather pants. Sources won’t confirm it, but she has been seen dashing around showers as of late, trying to rip them off certain HP individuals... How far does ambition reach? Seems the recently promoted Percival Weatherby has his horned rimmed glasses on greater things than just assistantships. With a certain “hemming” minister gone missing, who’ll fill her place? Thick bottomed cauldrons have become something of a trend. Every wizarding family should have one! Madame Malkin released her new line of robes this year. The trend is for feathers and stars–silver linings being a thing of the past. New hats will be seen sporting a tilted 1 1/4 angle instead of a 2 quarter one, and the point will be particularly sharp. Her wizarding line will be released in August in Milan, along with her new potions parfume, "Essence of Eruidite". Mmmm...bottles of red hair dye are flying off shelves, for some reason... Seems another member of a certain potter forum hanging around Honeydukes (a beautiful angel, more or less) is attaching herself unnecessarily to our favorite greasy-haired Slytherin’s leg. The aggreived Potions master cries “Let go, you bloody fool!” Someone was seen giving someone else at the Three Broomsticks yet another Butterbeer. Seems Quality Quidditch Supplies has signed yet another up and coming young Quidditch Player to a 30 million galleon contract. The Quidditch player hasn’t even left school yet, but he will be earning more than most professional Quidditch teams. The new slogan is rumored to involve a Wronski Feint and the phrase “Just vhoosh it”. Does anyone know a cheap hair salon? I could really use one! Headmaster Dumbledore was seen in Diagon Alley with a certain deputy headmistress on his arm. Is that a walking stick or is somebody happy to see somebody else? Why is it that every time that kid gets into a fight with You-Know-Who, he has to analyze the situation? Just run, you fool, run! Contrary to his name, Gary Oldman is not old. Why do all the bad guys wear masks? We know who you are anyway! According to the House Elves, knitted hats, scarves and sweaters are not the season’s hottest trend. Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry is again searching for a DADA teacher. A new requirement has been added this year: Teacher must be willing not to take over the world. Pink Sweaters are no longer in style, people. Several members of the Slytherin house were seen sporting a new look when they departed from the Hogwarts Express. Look out pureblood ladies, slug is in this year. You’d think that with the Ministry of Magic capable of controlling time, thought, and death, they’d figure out a way to make laser eye surgery available to all wizards sporting glasses.... Is there any way we could get that guy from LOTR and Pirates of the Caribbean to play Bill Weasley in the next movie? Weasley Wizard Wheezes closed it's R&D department for a few hours this past weekend when a charm turned their testers fuschia. A certain adept muggleborn wizard was heard muttering to herself, "I told them not to test it on themselves" Mr. Moody...could you please refrain from pointing that eye where it doesn’t belong! I’m quite sure I don’t keep dark wizards in my undergarments. |