Wizarding World becomes Fodder for Muggle enjoyment. Hogwarts, UK—There is a sense of foreboding at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry—but for the first time, it has nothing to do with You-Know-Who. It seems the Muggle world is to receive yet another taste of the lives of wizards, inspired by the life of one of Hogwarts’ most prominent students. Rumour has it that beginning this June, (and The Quibbler will provide full coverage) Harry Potter’s third year at the wizarding school will become public in what muggles refer to as a “motion picture.” “It’s the same thing all over again…just like that awful reminder of our second year,” said Ronald Weasley, who will be a sixth year in September. “Someone thought it would be a brilliant idea to rehash our old adventure in the Chamber of Secrets. And before that, it was what happened when we first came to Hogwarts..” Now, the events of Mr. Weasley’s and Mr. Potter’s third year, including their encounter with the famed Prisoner of Azkaban Sirius Black, will be displayed for the entire muggle world to see. Though sources for this rumour remain unconfirmed, industry analysts on the muggle side of things have been quoted as saying that “the practice of revealing, through fiction format, the events of this young wizard have been extremely lucrative, and will probably not stop anytime soon.” Indeed, it seems almost certain that the supposedly devastating events of his Fourth Year will be brought to life for the Muggles as well. “I don’t mind, so much,” says Potter. “At least they’ll know of Voldemort. And I understand that the guy they’ve got playing me for the Muggles isn’t half bad.” The remainder of the school is a bit split. Ronald Weasley supports the idea, but is a bit torn up about how it is being portrayed. “They messed up some of the parts, some of the best parts. And they’ve put in some stuff that was a bit odd.” “Like hugging,” moans Hermione Granger, another Fifth Year and also a Prefect. “Who ever said anything about hugging?” Draco Malfoy, a Fifth Year Slytherin, is completely against the idea. “Who would have thought the lives of wizards would be used to entertain muggles? The very concept is disgusting. Beyond that, they are giving no credence to Slytherin or pure-bloods. And I’ve heard tell that I’m going to be punched in the next installment. Punched! That has never happened. Insulting, all around. Except for that poor bloke stuck portraying me. Always sneering, with nasty slicked back hair and funny hats. But he does a fairly good job.” Other students, with less prominent voices in Mr. Potter’s story, are also upset. “I understand that not everyone could make it into this version,” said Cho Chang, a Ravenclaw Sixth year. “Some of us they omitted completely, to save for time. As though our roles were any less important!” “The benefit to all this, of course,” says Professor Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts, “is that the muggle world will have a better understanding of the lives of wizards, and will feel particular sympathy for young Mister Potter and his friends. Therefore, if ever our world should be revealed, they might be surprised, but they will also be ready.” Further information about the exact story that is to be told remain undisclosed, but sources confirm that such information will be affirmed around June 4th. At that time, The Quibbler will provide complete and up-to-date coverage of any breaking news. |