Back to School with You! There’s a certain professor with a certain desire for a certain position again. I have a question for him–give the previous 4 were either rendered monsters or rendered insane (take your pick or mix and match) why would you want to? Then again, given the professor, he might fit right in... Would someone please tell a particular professor to transfigure her wardrobe? A little country pride is one thing, but please–tartan underwear? Good luck to all the Hogwarts students who will be sorted into Hufflepuff this year. So you have to deal with being the most picked on House. Oh well. Guess that’s what you get when the Sorting Hat thinks you deserve to be placed where the mascot’s a badger and bumblebees are fashion inspiration. On a similar note, good luck to all sorted into Ravenclaw, the abyss of Hogwarts. Hufflepuffs might the butt of the joke, but at least they got Cedric. Your hero of choice reads magazines upside down... Speaking of bumblebees, someone might tell Albus Dumbledore that big, gaudy Rings are soooooooooooo two centuries ago... Someone told me that that cute Quidditch captain won’t be showing up this year. That’s a shame. I was looking forward to the shower scene... As for Quidditch, good luck to all you Quidditch players. May you never fall off your brooms, break your arms, eat the snitch, or get kicked off the team. On that note, I suppose I should send out a special protective blessing to Harry Potter. You’ve done just about everything else to yourself. Let’s not stick that broom where it shouldn’t go, ‘kay? Speaking of Potter, seems he’s off in the love department, again. A certain Asian “beauty” has been marked from the list. Girls everywhere, rejoice. *Hmmph* That’s if you want to date a boy destined to fight the Dark Lord in the ultimate battle of good vs. evil. No pressure, ladies. Lucius Malfoy has packed his bags for Azkaban. Well, given his complexion, a dark, dank, windowless stone building might just feel like home. Another Malfoy is sporting a new look this year. Muggle borns everywhere, rejoice and hand the boy a hairbrush. He can finally use it. Wonder what large, scary man-eating beast will be affiliated with Hagrid this year? There’s not many left, unless you count the man himself. Dean Thomas, watch out. That little Ginny Weasley is a spitfire–plus, you know her big brother...and not only is he taller than you, he now has a mighty big broom, great for thwacking... It appears that Neville Longbottom, the squibbiest wizard in training, could have been the one fated to face the Dark Lord instead of Potter. Having seen their fighting abilities in action, bet old “You-Know-Who-y’s” wishing he’d gone the other way... Intrigue, thy name is Cuaron... Speaking of new “costume” directors, word has it that the students at Hogwarts will go uniform-less this year. Hmmm...modern, teenage wizards. Who could have thought of such a thing? Rumor also has it that the dementors will be large, thin like creatures covered from head to toe in black cloaks, will have raspy voices, and skeletal hands. No, wait, those are the Ringwraiths... Speaking of LOTR, can someone please suggest to someone to get that actor who plays the elf to appear as Bill Weasley in GOF? He is British, you know... Word on the studio lot is that GOF will all be one movie. Hmmm...let me see. COS, the shortest book, clocked out at almost two and a half hours. GOF, three times the size of COS...urgh. I have to go to the bathroom just thinking about it. Good luck to Steven Kloves, the screenwriter for GOF. May you not cut out Cho, the Quidditch World Cup, or the Yule Ball. Oh yeah...that Goblet of Fire/Triwizarding Tournament thing-y is kinda important too... And fie on you if you should cut out a certain reporter with a certain VERY IMPORTANT role in the book! Do you have any suggestions for Rita’s column? Is there something (or someone) you’d like her acid-tipped quill to lambast? Please send suggestions to hermioneshomework@att.net. We’ll take all suggestions we possible can–but please, somehow keep them Harry Potter themed... |