The curse of the Dark Arts. Such a curse is well understood in the wizarding world. But to be cursed for defending against the dark arts? Is that possible? So it would seem, at least as regards Defense Against the Dark Arts, one of the standard courses taught at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. Instituted towards the foundation of the school term, Defense Against the Dark Arts teaches young wizards and witches everything there is to know about protecting themselves against the darkest of enchantments. But the class harbors more than one dark secret. It is also, by way of mouth, a curse in itself — the only subject unable to retain a permanent teacher. For as far long as anyone, student or teacher, can remember, no one has been able to hold on to the job long enough to see two End of the Year Feasts. As a result, the job has become known as the "cursed position"--and has less and less potential candidates. Except, perhaps, for one man. Professor Severus Snape, Hogwarts’ very own Potions Master, has been requesting a promotion to the cursed position for years. Snape, who graduated Hogwarts with top grades in the subject, claims he has far more advanced knowledge of DADA than every he has potions. But every year he’s been denied. “Because he’s a git, that’s why!” vigorously states one student, who chooses to remain anonymous. “To give the job to him would be total suicide!” The student went on to label all things wrong about Snape for five full minutes, finally finishing with an exasperated, “besides, giving it to him would just make him happy, and Merlin knows how bad that’ll be for us (insert House name here).” By the end of the student’s tirade, his ears took on an unflattering shade of pink. The Quibbler decided to go to the source, before any other student discriminated oneself, and asked the Headmaster of the school the reason Snape has been denied his dream job for so long. That proved to be easier said than done. “I’m sorry,” the old Headmaster says with a slight smile, “that sort of information is classified. It remains only between Severus and I.” As slippery as the old eel was, a bit of coaxing from one of our staff involving a sneaky editor and a basketful of assorted sweets, we managed to get a little more from the Headmaster. “I see no need in giving the position to Severus,” he said before popping a Bertie Bott bean into his mouth. “He’s the best Potions Master I’ve ever come across.” He quickly made a face, spitting out the offensive bean before continuing. “Giving him another position would seem rather silly.” Unfortunately for us, the old Headmaster became too distracted with a packet of Chocolate Frogs to answer any more of our questions. But what of Snape? After countless years of previous professors dying, resigning, or going mad, does he still have his eyes set on the job? “I don’t see why not,” replies the professor with a scowl. Despite the proof that the position might, in fact, be cursed, the Potions Master remains unshaken in his insistence. “Balderdash,” scoffs Snape. “The curse is pure myth. Mere coincidences.” Coincidence or not, it’s quite clear that no Professor has ever gotten off well after that job. Will Snape finally get what he’s wanted this coming year? The Quibbler will be certain to bring its audience further updates as they become available. |