A TQ Undercover story As of late, a group of rather unique dementors have been behaving strangely. Contrary to behavior of normal dementors (cold, cruel, silent and scary) these Azkaban guards have been acting abnormally. To get to the bottom of this dementing mystery, the Quibbler staff, at great peril to themselves decided to go undercover to investigate and bring you the real story behind the mishaps. Sporting white sheets dyed black and Muggle Halloween party masks, we set off. We found them hanging around the outside of the mysterious Department of Mysteries in the Ministry of Magic, attempting to register complaints with MOM about their "horrifying experience." Although Ministry wizards had a hard time figuring out what the hooded figures were saying, one Quibbler reporter, using a broken rattle, managed to extract the moan "it was a Muggle!" from one of the anguished Dementors. Apparently, these scarred versions of their former creepy selves were flustered by their first Muggle contact--encountered during a visit they had to the peaceful crossways between Magnolia Crescent and Wisteria Walk. After much coaxing, a few more shakes of the rattle, and the promise to keep their identies anonymous (as though we could recognize who they were anyway) we were able to get these prominent members of the Magic world to speak. "It was terrible-- terrible! It-- the pudgy one-- he tried to kick me!" one tramautized Dementor cried. "He tried to kick you? I TOUCHED it! I nearly KISSED it!" another dementor moaned, "But then--then..." He left us fleeing to the nearest cemetary, only leaving behind the echoes of his shrill cry. Obviously, a pure-blood wizard's first Muggle contact can be somewhat startling, but, as we were surprised to find out, most Dementors don't even believe in Muggles at all. Apparently, discovering there was life on the other side of the wizarding world was traumatic even for these hardened creatures. "It was so horrifying an experience..."a third dementor shouted, almost unable to continue. But, interested, and for the sake of our readers, we pressed the icy cold shoulders and prodded on. The dementor buried his...hooded...something in his hand. "It was so horrible. A big, pink, quivering mass of a thing...he smelled so bad...nothing to absorb...it was awful." "Then, as if to make matters worse!" cried the fourth member of the group, "this...this thing...a horse, or something, came right at us! It had antlers too! Head-butted the poor guy (referring to the last Dementor who spoke) right where Aunt Bertha hangs her laundry!" The dementor then broke down into tears; his peers only slightly less affected. We were not able to get much more information out of them, but when we asked why they were in the shortcut dangerously close to where boy wizard Harry Potter resides with his Muggle relatives, we were only able to get a, "Well, Madam Umb--" out of them. Obviously, whoever this 'Madam Umb--' may be is responsible for the whole situation. "Well, they'll never be doing that again" speaks a representative for the Ministry. "No Dementors will be traipsing around Muggle roads after dark again." "As if we'd ever do such a thing!" assert the Dementors. "From now on, we'll be quite content sucking the souls out of nice, safe wizards!" Charlene Umbaine, Margaret Umbertine and Dolores Jane Umbridge, suspiciously named people, are being questioned as we speak. Expect more as this story unfolds. |