Need an anti-coughing charm, Weasley?

Anyway, I’ve always been talented in the liberal arts, as well as other sorts of arts, so when The Quibbler, a newspaper (not a magazine, as my co-writer so stupidly decides to call it), approached me about participating in a debate article for my favorite month, I happily agreed. After I’d agreed, however, the absolutely charming editors decided to mention that I’d have to do a little bit of research… pertaining to MUGGLE hobbies and whatnot. How despicable. But I’m a nice guy… I’ll do it… after all, I get to clobber a muggle-loving Weasley in the process, right?

So after some rather time consuming research and the discovery of a compact disc player, I’ve come to the conclusion that my favorite type of muggle music would have to be punk rock. The band that appealed to me most was Linkin Park, a band of six men. Their lyrics are clean and profound. I must agree with my co-writer in saying that they scream, but they’re pretty talented to be able to scream in tune and get a message across to their listeners. They’re quite clever as well because many people can relate to their lyrics… well, not people like me, though… I couldn’t relate to muggle lyrics…

And regarding a certain redhead’s article, the music she referred to as the “oldies” is actually known as the “Golden Oldies”, though I don’t blame her for not knowing since her incompetent father taught it to her. And contrary to what she believes, though the “Golden Oldies” has quite a different beat than modern-day bands like Linkin Park, the lyrics are nice. Modern-day music is based off old music like this, so it’s hypocritical not to like the “Golden Oldies”. And while I’m on the topic of smashing my opponent’s views and opinions, classical music is not boring. It’s quite the opposite, actually. Classical music is nice to set you in a good mood, like when you listen to soft, serene music, or brilliant to set you in an absolutely sinister mood, like before a Quidditch match… not that I listen to classical music before Quidditch matches. But good music to listen to before Quidditch matches is rap. Eminem and Tupac are a couple of my favorites, and yes, they do use “vulgar” language, but it’s the message behind the words that counts. Plus, most rappers are men, not women, and there’s a reason why. Have you ever seen a woman clearly and concisely say—actually say—what she’s trying to say? The obvious and correct answer would be no, and I believe my co-writer proves that theory beautifully, ultimately meaning her report is absolute rubbish. I rest my case. Thank you.